Warning Signs of an Abuser

Things to Watch For, and Questions to Ask Yourself

  • Is he pushing the relationship too far, too fast? Planning your future together from the moment you met?
  • Does he say he can’t live without you? Won’t let you break up? Believes you belong to him?
  • Does he hate his mother and is often nasty to her? If so, chances are you will eventually be treated the same way.
  • Does he always want your undivided attention at all times? Does he get jealous if you go places without him? Does he want to know where you are every single minute?
  • Does he always blame someone else for anything that goes wrong? Often that someone is YOU?
  • Do you have to justify everything that you do or say? Afraid to disagree?
  • Does he break promises – all the time?
  • Is he extremely jealous of your close friends and family members, constantly making you choose? When he gets a chance, does he drive your friends and family away?
  • Do you feel controlled because he must always “be in charge”? He can’t take criticism? He is always justifying his actions? He is very competitive and always has to win?
  • Are you always on the alert because he has a nasty temper with extreme highs and lows (both very unpredictable)? Does he say he can’t help losing his temper? Does he say it is your fault when he is in a rage?
  • Have you ever apologized or tried to explain his behavior to others, especially after he has treated you badly?
  • Does he often criticize or insult you? Withdrawn his love and approval as a punishment?
  • Does he have no respect for your opinion? Is he constantly berating you and telling you that you don’t know what you are talking about?
  • Is he often putting you down, making you feel like you are not good enough? Then, afterwards, say, “I love you”?
  • Does he push you to do things that make you feel uneasy? Make you take the day off from work or school? Try to get you to do something illegal? Want to have sex with you when you don’t want to, or when it makes you feel uncomfortable?
  • Has he ever threatened to hurt you or himself? Have you already been pushed, shoved, grabbed or had things thrown at you?
  • Is he cruel to animals?
  • Did he grow up in a violent family?
  • Has he hit a former partner?
  • Does your relationship with him make your family and friends concerned about your safety?